


A walk, a sunset, a decision

by ThatwasJustaDream



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Episode Related, M/M, Pre-Slash, bit of a coda
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-18
Updated: 2015-04-18
Packaged: 2018-03-23 12:17:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,070
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3767872
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThatwasJustaDream/pseuds/ThatwasJustaDream
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's the day after their return to the bunker, and Dean still has that beach vacation on his mind-  even though he feels the odds of it coming to be are poor. Castiel suggests an alternative.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A walk, a sunset, a decision

**Author's Note:**

  * For [](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts).



> I know Dean's established birthday is in January- but this was written as a 'happy birthday' offering, and I like to try to get a b'day celebration into those fics so .... we'll go with Cas couldn't get him a gift or hasn't seen him since then. It sure feels like that's the case...

“It’s a tennis racket, isn’t it?” 

Dean kept a straight face as he pulled what was clearly a cardboard six pack container wrapped in ‘Happy Birthday’ paper toward him with one finger. Each slot was filled with a similarly wrapped ‘Happy Birthday’ beer.

He had to grin, though, at the huffed out ‘screw you’ he got in return from Castiel.

“I’m not as adept as the two of you at lifting credit cards and an occasional wallet,” Cas's eyes were smiling, but his chin was tilted upward. “I have very little cash left from my last paycheck at the Gas and Sip, so…my gift must be modest.”

“No worries, man, just teasing you. Here,” Dean took one of the beers and pulled the paper off, unwrapping it with the slow, thoughtful motions due to a thing given as a gift. “Have one. Enjoy. My best friend gave it to me for my birthday.”

The sound Castiel made as he took it was another exhalation, but a happier one.

Dean unwrapped a beer for himself, too.

“Hey Cas….”

“Yes?”

“You ever been to the beach?”

“I’ve been near most of your oceans. Many times,” Cas stopped there to sip at the drink slowly, taking a pull almost like it was a glass of wine and tasting it drop by drop. “I always enjoy them: The smell of salt in the air, and the sand. They’re very…. bare bones. Beaches. Aren’t they? Only the essential to be found on them. I haven’t seen one in aeons, though.”

“Me either. Would you want to? Spend a week, maybe….”

“Why? Is there a case near an ocean that…”

“No. I mean we’d go just to be there. To kick back and relax.”

“Relax?” Castiel looked confused. “I’m not sure what you mean?”

What did he mean, asking that out loud? When had either of them had a damn hour to relax in their existences? He sure as hell hadn’t. And whenever Castiel did get one….he went bee watching. Or off to save the masses, one by one. He kept on _doing_ , like it was the only thing he was capable of, probably because it was.

“Forget it,” Dean knocked back some more of the beer, which turned out to be particularly tasty. Cas must have spent good coin on it. And asked for advice on what to buy. “The odds of it happening aren’t very freaking high, anyway. No sense worrying about things that likely won’t come to pass.”

“If I had my full powers, I would take us to a beach,” Cas offered between sips. “An ocean one. But there is a lake not far away.”

“Yeah?” Dean did his best to hide it, how good that sounded. Being outdoors, the two of them; a little fresh air, peace and calm before the inevitable storm ahead with no one else around to interrupt Dean’s spare words or Cas’ musings as they walked. “You’d like that?”

“I would,” Cas said simply. “Very much.”

The hint of one upturned lip suggested Cas knew the niceties being passed back and forth here were like a game of poker - neither one of them wanting to fully show his hand.

-*-

It’s how they ended up on a shoreline at sunset, walking slowly, watching the sky go orange and gold.

“You’ve been kinda edgy since you got back,” Dean said, snuffling from the cold, his nose going pink from it. Castiel could only look up at him, surprised that Dean was going to be the one to venture there. “Anything you want to tell me?”

“You should be aware… I can sense your feelings again,” Castiel said, looking away. “Fully. I could to a certain extent once that ‘found grace’ came my way but…. since I got back last night…. they're far stronger.”

“You were able to for years before that,” Dean pointed out. “So what’s the big deal?”

“Before…. I’d never fully experienced them myself,” Cas stopped walking. “I’d never felt those emotions …down to my bones, so to speak. Now I have and …I get it. How much responsibility comes with them…if you …really love someone.”

“Cas I can’t….”

“I know….”

“Not ’til this is over, I can’t focus on much more than getting up and getting through the day and …trying to figure out what the hell to do about …that thing.”

The thing which was perhaps the biggest mistake he’d ever made. Castiel felt _that_ rolling through Dean, loud and clear.

“I understand.”

He let his eyes fully meet Dean’s as they stopped, the path along the lake shore trailing off into scrubby, overgrown woods. The sky was starting to turn teal, and was headed for dark. All the sharp, late afternoon light was falling on Dean’s face, giving it a gold hue, warming the smile that was spreading across it and …it hurt, how lovely and sad he looked. 

It hurt, how much Castiel wanted to reach in and kiss him.

“Hey… look …” Dean broke the moment first, nodding at the sky. “That’s downright tropical.”

Cas turned and watched the sun hit the horizon, both of them silent as it set.

He felt it before Dean’s arm went around his back: Dean’s urge to move, to touch him. Castiel held in a sigh of relief and thanks as it happened, and slid his arm, too, pressing a hand around Dean’s shoulder.

They stayed there until the light show was over, then they walked back to the car. Their hands bumped as they went, and instead of pulling away Dean let them bump again.

Castiel braved it: reached, and cupped Dean’s palm in his, fingers wrapping around Dean’s hand. Holding it. Smiling in the deep dusk when Dean let him.

All he could think the whole way is how overpoweringly wonderful it was going to feel - holding Dean’s hand, touching him - when he was fully human again. When he gave up his grace forever.

“What are you thinking?” Dean asked, almost like maybe he had a sense.

“Nothing important.”

Castiel didn’t enjoy the idea of keeping that decision to himself - of not telling Dean he’d just picked a team and would be joining it for good. But If he told him, Dean might try to stop him. 

So he _would_ keep it to himself, even if it were a sort of lie of omission. Because when people want something very, very badly….


End file.
